Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
