Soap is not a condiment
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
