i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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