All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She bit a glass in half.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
