well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
