Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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