I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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