I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
