are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
