i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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