He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
