well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
