First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're like the curious george of whores
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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