I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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