remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
