No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
