From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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