My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
