I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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