So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
