last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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