I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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