i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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