Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
