K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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