He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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