He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
