Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
