Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
