what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
