11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
