She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
