K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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