went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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