He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
