he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
