summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
