Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
