I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
