Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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