So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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