Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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