someone threw a dead crab at me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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