Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
