I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
