we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
