When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
