Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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