Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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