Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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