i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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