if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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