Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
